


fooling, fooling, fooling

by lmnbrg



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other Characters Are Mentioned, Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), i love rantub's platonic marriage, michael is in this, revived tommy is not so talkative, someone help this boy, the boys are sad but happy, tommy is so Traumatized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29906709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmnbrg/pseuds/lmnbrg
Summary: Tommy leaves the prison after being in the afterlife and pitch blackness for nearly two months plus the traumatizing experience that was being locked up in the Pandora's Vault, he tries to get used to the feeling of being actually alive again. He meets Tubbo in a field for the first time, as well as Ranboo afterwards. Things aren't the same, it seems.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 302





	fooling, fooling, fooling

**Author's Note:**

> before you read; cuddles (the cat) is not canon and is a self indulgent headcanon of mine :] she's a gray cat that tommy adopted during exile! there are only a few mentions of her throughout this fic, but i thought it'd be relevant to note.
> 
> i hope you enjoy :D (my twitter is @tcmmyinc)

Tommy lays down in the vast field of flowers.

The dandelions tickled his cheeks yet he didn't feel like laughing at all. His hands touched the fresh grass beneath him, but his fingers remained dry. The wind hit his face oh so gently and it still felt like he was being hit, he felt jumpy. The sunshine bathed him comfortingly but he felt like he was burning to death.

Nothing feels right. Not anymore.

Shifting uncomfortably, Tommy sighs shakily. He's trying to get used to being outside again, getting used to the feeling of having fresh air in his lungs. Breathing makes him anxious. Every time he inhales, it feels like something inside him burnt.

He hates it. Tommy despises this feeling. This was supposed to be good for him, wasn't it? Why does it hurt so much?

“Cuddles… hello.” He whispers when his cat rests on his chest, the sun hitting both of them. Tommy pets her head. “I missed you.”

Cuddles meows back at him. Tommy almost feels like tearing up. “Everything would've been easier if you were there.”

“Tommy?”

He almost gets up abruptly with how scared that made him. “T-Tubbo? Yeah?”

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Tubbo apologises as he sits down beside his friend. Tommy holds Cuddles and sits as well, she rests on his crossed legs. “Oh, that's Cuddles, right?”

No speakable, out loud answer. Just a nod. 

“I see.” Tubbo scratches Cuddles behind her ear, then turns his attention back to Tommy. “How… are you?”

He shrugs in response.

Tubbo frowns. “Not very talkative anymore, are you?”

Tommy doesn't even do anything this time.

It's uncomfortable. The silence is heavier than the burden they both have carried with them all their lives. Tubbo doesn't even want to imagine the things he went through inside that cell.

He doesn't know if he should feel angry or extremely sorry.

“Can I hug you?”

Tommy doesn't answer, he just hugs Tubbo almost immediately. It was a desperate one.

It doesn't feel good.

Tubbo's hands rub Tommy's back in a way to make him calm down, but it just makes his friend's anxiety spike up even more. At the same time, he missed being hugged. He feels empty.

_What happened? Why can't you give your best friend a hug? What's wrong with you?_

“This isn't the same…” Tommy's head rests on his friend's shoulder, he's on the verge of tears. Tubbo feels like someone just punched him in the gut. “I don't feel the same. This fucking sucks.”

“Hey, it's alright.” He tries to reassure him—as he always does. “I… I don't really know what happened to you, but you need to take your time anyway. I'm not going to pressure you into things, just… tell me when you don't feel okay with something, anything I do.”

_You've always been the strong one_ , Tommy thinks to himself. _That's a lie, Tubbo would have answered, I'm weak as a cup of thin glass._

“What do you—did you do when you found out that I was…”

“… dead or resurrected?”

Tommy gulps. “Dead.” 

“Well, I—” _Do I really want to tell him?_ “—I was in denial for most of it, I didn't really want to accept that. Then I wanted to blame someone for trapping you in there, so I made a room to wrap up evidence of all the suspects… next I built a memorial in Snowchester with a bench, cobblestone and oakwood. The final stage is supposed to be acceptance, but… I was never okay.”

“Did you count to ten?”

Tubbo smiles bittersweetly, looking down at his lap. “I might've gotten close to number eight.”

More silence. The only thing filling the quietude was the soft waves of wind, and barely even. Tommy shifts ever so slightly to Tubbo's side instead of being in front of him, resting his head on his shoulder. They're sitting under a tree now, their backs leaning on the trunk.

It's still early, the sunlight is warm on their faces. Tommy has always liked the summer, Tubbo thought. He always looked happier during this season, like the sun clings to him through all of it. Tommy brings the light wherever he goes.

Tubbo isn't sure of what to do.

“I missed you.”

Oh.

This isn't like exile… is it? It isn't.

This isn't the same as exile. Tommy's alive. Tommy didn't call Tubbo a monster almost immediately after he saw him for the last time. Tommy isn't going to Technoblade's house after this. Tommy isn't gone. Tommy is alive. This is happening. He's safe.

How many times does he have to be fooled into the idea that his best friend is dead until it's real?

“I missed you, too, Tommy.” Tubbo's voice cracks as he brings his hand to his mouth. He buries his face in his scarred hands. “I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry.”

“It's not your fault. Stop apologizing for something like this.” Tommy looks up for a split second and puts his arm around his friend's shoulder. “Tubbo…”

“You're the one who went through actual hell and back and I'm crying, making you feel worse.” Tommy hugs him again. He feels a bit less uncomfortable now. “I'm so sorry.”

Tommy pats his friend's back, sitting up straight. “Dream was the one who fucking put me through that, but do you see him feeling just a small glimpse of guilt? You don't. I'm not upset because you're showing _emotions_ , Tubbo.”

“I'm so glad you're alive.” He cries his heart out, hugging his friend by the neck. “I don't—” hesitancy. “I just don't know what I would've done.”

“If you didn't live the rest of your life without me I would've haunted the shit out of you until you died.”

Pulling away, Tubbo chuckles.

Tommy isn't smiling at him in the corny way he used to. Tommy isn't playfully calling Tubbo an idiot like he used to. Tommy isn't… Tommy.

Where is his bright, contagious laugh that makes people smile? Where is his outspoken, loud tone and his wide smile and his clinginess and his annoying shouting and his constant reassurance and oddly expressed kindness?

Where is Tommy?

“Want to make flower crowns?” Tubbo asked unprompted, out of the blue which surprised his friend. “Like when we were little. I can play a bit of the ukulele if you want, too.”

“I'd like that a lot.”

“What song?”

Tommy gulps, staring at his lap where his hands rested. “The… uh, the anthem…”

The anthem… oh, Tommy. You're hurting so much. Only god—only _you_ know what you've been through. Your friends hope you can talk about it soon, that you can open up about how you feel soon enough.

_You'll get your light back soon, Tommy_.

**———**

“Don't cry, are you stupid? You're hurting yourself.”

Ranboo coos. “I'm sorry. Tommy, I'm sorry.”

“You and Tubbo are so similar about this shit…” Tommy grins, patting Ranboo's hair awkwardly as he rests his head on his shoulder. They've been hugging for almost a minute. “I hate seeing you fucks blame yourselves for this. You weren't the ones who traumatized me.”

“I could've done something, though—” Ranboo hesitates, pulling away and wiping away his tears. “—and I didn't. No one did… we all left you to die.”

“You wouldn't even be able to do anything, dumbass.” He sighs. “Tubbo and you—god, you're both annoying as fuck. You didn't kill me then bring me back to life without even knowing if it'd work. Quit trying to tell me you're sorry for something you weren't able to stop.

 _Also_ , it wouldn't have been the first time people had left me to die, Ranboo.”

“That isn't something to brag about, Tommy. I'm s—”

“Don't finish that.” Tommy picks up his cat. Cuddles makes herself comfortable on his shoulder, purring. “I would also like a fucking explanation on why you guys got plankton… plat—”

“Take your time.”

“I don't remember what the fuck word Tubbo said, okay?” He growls and Ranboo lets out a chuckle. “Anyway, what the hell was that marriage and why was I not invited?”

Ranboo looks away. “We didn't have a wedding.” 

“Huh.” Tommy tilts his head. “How did you get married, then?”

“We just… did.”

Silence. It's funny considering Ranboo has to crouch and Tommy still needs to look up.

“I don't even wanna question the shit you and Tubbo do.” He sighs. “If you hurt him, though…”

“Erm, yeah, Tommy. I'm aware.”

“Good.”

Tommy realizes something. “Does Techno know? And Phil?”

Ranboo moves uncomfortably. “Phil does.”

“That's gonna go so, so wrong.” Tommy frowns. “Call me if you need backup. I'm the biggest man around.”

“I know. You do make sure to remind everyone of that.”

Ranboo laughs at Tommy's annoyed expressions. “And you're a bitch.”

“Oh, there you are.”

Tommy wears a weak smile, walking out of Ranboo's house by his side. They head to Snowchester now. “I got your flower.”

“… what?”

“In the afterlife… the allium.” Tommy explains. “It just fell in my hands while I was crying once. It was fuckin' weird, it scared the shit out of me. The afterlife or whatever I was in was pitch black, just darkness, so I wasn't really able to see what it was, but…”

Tommy puts his hand in his pocket and then reveals some petals of the flower Ranboo left him by his house after finding out Tommy was dead. They're almost completely ripped to shreds, there's pretty much nothing left, but Tommy kept them.

“I kept it in my pocket because it gave me some sort of home that I'd be okay… someday, somehow. It came at a right time, I guess.”

Ranboo has to use everything in him to not cry again there and then. Not only for Tommy's sake, but for his own as well. There are more scars across his cheeks than there should be.

He isn't really sure of what to say.

“It's so good to have you back, Tommy.”

**———**

“I'm not even gonna question how the fuck you two got a kid who isn't even—can I teach him swear words?”

“No.”

“Well, unfortunately for you, I am going to anyway.”


End file.
